Thursday, December 23, 2010

12/23/2010 - "the Vault" - A Memory from this week in 2004 -

Do y'all remember the overwhelming snow storm that went through our region at Christmastime of 2004?

Well - I did that.  I prayed for it, I mean.  ( I think "prayer" is becoming a highly overused word, by the way and I'm not long from putting it in the same category as the word "religion".  I won't bore you with that today though ... you're welcome ...) I had really forgotten all about that snowstorm until I was perusing videos a few mornings ago on my friend Beau's YouTube Channel -

I watched a short video of the snow storm of '79 pieced together with some family video shot on Beau's family farm.  I don't really remember that snow storm - I was four, I should; but I don't.  I've seen pics of my brothers and me in it - and it was quite a doozie!

Now, back to 2004.

September began to creep in and the Fall chill hit the air.  I like Fall, but the idea that Winter is right behind it is absolutely sickening to me.  I detest Winter with every fiber of my being.

Anywho, it would've been bad enough just due to the time of year; but as Fall approached I found myself at 30 - living alone for the first time in my life and waiting to hear if my husband of six years had decided if he wanted a divorce.  ((*that's how I did things "then"*))

I had lived in this apartment since February of that year and the soon-to-be-former and I had been separated since February of the previous year.  We had a business together, so we had kept things on amiable terms.  In fact, when he would deliver the check covering my portion of the 'gigs'; we would occasionally sit and have a cup of java.  It was bizarre but comfy.

I see people do that now with their soon-to-be-exes and I can see my spell of it in a different perspective.

In retrospecta-vision I think it's like a baby-step in letting go of one another.

Anywho, on October 4th - my father-in-law passed away unexpectedly.  I was crushed.  We had just visited at a family get-together at the soon-to-be ex's on Saturday ... and now, on Monday ... he was gone. We'd had the best chat behind the house when I'd snuck away from public view to have a couple of ciggies.

At that point, the divorce was a pretty certain thing - just sort of looming on the horizon - so we talked very openly about things.  I learned more about men in that 30 minute conversation with that sweetheart of a man than I'd learned in my entire life.

I was absolutely beyond stunned at his passing and it admittedly put me into a bit of a tail spin.

During the week of the funeral, the potentially-soon-to-be-ex informed me that he did - in fact - want a divorce.  It was a very long night of standing in the funeral home, wanting to say - "Oh, by the way - I won't be seeing you at Thanksgiving and Christmas ... We're getting a divorce. It's been wonderful knowing you though .... buh-bye...."  Not to mention the overall trauma of the sudden passing of the father-in-law.  It was a terrible time.

We were cordial though ... we were cordial until the very end ... and that didn't happen until years later ...

As Thanksgiving came, I was beyond depressed and increasingly exhausted; yet "insomniatic".  I was working for a local radio station and my numbers were sinking like the Titanic and so was I.  The sales manager was calling me in for counsel on a weekly basis, as was the GM, G.

I'll skip Thanksgiving night altogether - because that nearly did me in - as we skipped ahead to Christmas, every day becoming more and more of a blur.  I realized I couldn't "do Christmas".  I told my mom I couldn't "do Christmas".  That idea didn't seem to jive with her.  I told her that I really wouldn't be attending "the family Christmas" that year and my suggestion was that she start praying for a blizzard - because that's what I was going to do.

Here and there - throughout December, I would occasionally think about Christmas.  Under my breath, I would mutter; "Please God, for the sake of my mother let us have a blizzard...".

A few days before Christmas Eve ... as I passed through the living room - the weather forecaster mentioned a very strong chance for nearly debilitating wintry precipitation.  Normally when that happens I go into a little grumpy fit ... (as aforementioned, I detest Winter) ... but this time I stopped dead in my tracks.  As I turned around and walked back into the living room.  My mouth dropped open as I listened to the forecast advise that it's very possible this snow storm could "postpone" Christmas for our area.

Christmas was delayed that year - and I hadn't thought of that era (now called "the Black Christmas of '04" by myself and the friends who helped me live through it) until I saw the slide show on Beau's YouTube Channel.

Thank you, Beau - for having that on your YouTube Channel and starting the unlocking of my vault. :)
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